Love In Vacant Lots

Two days ago I was getting ready to leave the house to walk over to a friend’s house and I received a text from my oldest brother saying to call him when I get a chance.  I thought it was odd and the first thing I thought of was my Grandfather.  I didn't think too much into it and I got ready and headed out the door.  As I was walking to my friends house just 10 blocks away I was thinking about when to call my brother, I was procrastinating for some odd reason.  I just kept walking bumping my tunes trying to move my mind from the thought.  As I became closer to my destination I was listening to 212 by Azelia Banks and I was rocking out to it walking down the street and I just decided to finally do the damn thing and call him. So I called my brother and he says "When you spoke to Grandpa how was it?"  He asks because I have never seen my Grandfather in person, he lives in Jamaica and I have only been when I was a small infant. I told my brother how awkward it was talking to him.  My grandfather bombarded me with questions of why my brothers and sister and I don't live together or why we don't visit.  It was hard to try to get to know someone over the 30 minutes or so they allow on a calling card.  After our one phone call ever I procrastinated in calling him again because I was afraid. I didn't want to be too boring or be a disappointment or say the wrong thing;I just didn't want to screw up.  I wanted to be so perfect so it would be easy for him to love me although he never knew me or seen me in person. So my brother delivered the news that my Grandfather passed away.  I thought I would be fine because it’s someone I don't know really.  When I arrived to my friend’s house it overwhelmed me and suddenly I was crying for a man I never met. I love my Grandfather even though I never knew him.  

Love does exist inplaces where no one has visited.

 Don't let the fear of things make you procrastinate.  Use your fear as a fuel of motivation. 

xoxo

 -Rain